:: I Love You Razi ::

Razi...Mak sayangkan Razi..Sayangggggg sangat..I don't know if this good news for you or not...you gonna have 'adik' this year.Emm...dunno how am I supposed to react.Hopefully everything will be ok.Hope Abang will spend more time with us,kan Razi..Tolong Mak tengok-tengokkan Razi..Mak takut mak pressure..Nanti sume orang kena marah termasuklah Razi...Mak sayang Razi..

Mak,Razi sexy tak?..Hehe..

3 Januari 2008..Ur cute feet with my big feet..Haha..

Razi..Mehla amik gambo sesama..
Manjanyeee dia..

Big laugh he have..Masa ni gigi takde lagi..Hehe..

Funny moments..He had demam campak..I thought maybe he needs accompany to wear the bedak sejuk..Hehehe...Kelakar sangat..Cian anak mak...

~ s u h i d a ~

:: My Big Fat Red Wedding Card.. ::

My first wedding card..

Yeah..I manage to create 1 wedding card. My first ever card design. Finally.. (Bangganye..walaupun aku tau biasa jek..Huuu..) If you guys like the design of this card, please do leave a comment so I can amend before I submit to Abang. Hopefully he’ll like the design. I’m not a graphic designer yet I’m not a good designer.Hah..

 Why I came out with a wedding card design is actually a request from Abang.He asked me if I can design new wedding card for his website. http://www.akamprint.com/. I'm excited to design for him but it took a while to search for a good image from internet.Finally I found great pictures after a week. What a long time to search a good images. Actually I took this picture from somebody’s blog. The picture is quite nice kan? Why I don’t have picture like that 1?Huh..I hope Abang will like this card and any bride or bridegroom to be will pick this card for their wedding..Bangga wooo kalau ada orang suka.....kan..

 So,lots of new card design will be coming soon. (If I got time lah..Hehehe..) I got time. Insya Allah.. I’m so determine to design more new wedding cards. I just love wedding day. A journey to bliss..Teringat aku masa my wedding day.Best..Hohohoho...Everyone loves their wedding day..Who doesn't? So...I hope people will inspired by my card to get married. Can ah? Hehehe..

~ s u h i d a ~

:: Razi dah tumbuh gigi sulung!!!! ::

Mak ni..Razi rimaslah!!Hehe...

Mak dan Razi kacau ayah kat kedai..Hehe..Pandai lak tu Razi tengok kamera..Lawak tul..

Bestnye..Razi da tumbuh first teeth dia..Belah bawah kanan..Kecik je.Semalam baru nampak,tu pun cikgu Nor yang perasan.Kalau dia tak sebut,maybe smpi skrang aku tak perasan.Hehe..Patutlah dia asyik meragam je.Nak mak dukung je,eh..Kesian anak mak..Cayang diaaaaa…Razi,harap gigi Razi tumbuh cantik,putih dan kuat.Nanti pandai jaga gigi ye..Tak mau gigi rosak..ok?

~ s u h i d a ~

:: My Word of Wisdom ::

I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer. What is the meaning of life? Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life. For me, life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to Allah and to my family, and as long as I live it is my privilege to obey Allah and to serve my family whatever I can. Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those we loved. What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to make other people around us happy. Happiness is sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
I have found life an enjoyable, enchanting, active, and sometime terrifying experience, and I've enjoyed it completely. You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now.

:: Razi Dah Pandai Main Sorang-Sorang ::

This video was taped after I saw Razi crawling..Then he suddenly sit by himself confidently..Hahaha...Pastu dia baring pun da tak takut..Can't wait to watch him learn how to sit lepas dia penat berdiri.. Razi is 11 months and 3 days old today.
Aku nak list down iklan and tv show yang Razi suka tengok. Siap stop main tengok tv. Bila iklan atau show yang dia suka tengok tu habis je sambung main balik,macam takde apa2 yang berlaku.Hahahaha..
1. Azan..Sungguh-sungguh dia tengok,tak berkelip2 mata. Alhamdulillah…
2. Iklan GengStarz dari Indonesia tu.
3. Semua iklan kat Astro Ceria.
4. Iklan Celcom 1+3 tu..Aku heran nape dia suka tengok ad tu..X menarik langsung..Sowi..
5. Mari Bertarannum tu..lagi-lagi bila part tagline diorang. ‘Mari bertaranum..Yaa Rabb..’
6. Elmo’s world. Razi suka sangat tengok Elmo. (Aku pun jadi suka tengok..hehe..Elmo tu cute)
7. Ni yang paling dia suka tengok,selain Azan tadi..Razi suka sangat tengok Tom Tom Bak..Banyak budak-budak kot..Tu yang dia suka..

~ s u h i d a ~

:: I Am So Happy Today!!! ::

Razi already 11 months old yesterday yet his first teeth didn't show up..I don't know why,maybe the result of ct scan he had after the accident.Doctor did mentioned yang sel-sel dia akan mati..Maybe that's the reason why dia tak tumbuh gigi lagi..But never mind,as long as he's ok.Maybe nest month his first teeth will grow,hopefully..Aminnn..I'm so happy now because..

It's feel like a miracle happened this week as we seems like to meet a solution for Mak's back pain.We met Dr Azmi at Pusrawi.Actually mak did meet him few years back.That time Dr Azmi consulted mak to go for surgery again,but I don't know..maybe that time we didn't know actually what's wrong with her lumber and she still trauma.Back then that time i'm not matured enough to understand Mak's pain..Now,after so many treatment and go see lots of people that 'kononnya can heal mak', I've understand the whole problem..

It was actually Dr. Tassim fault when he took one of Mak's spine disc and then refuse to admit he's screwed up. Mak did went see him again after the operation but he refused.At that time,kenapa kitorang tak leh na backing Mak?To think again..kesian mak.Sebenarnye..kitorang leh je na saman Dr Tassim bodoh tak guna tu.But..mak cakap takyahla..Entahla..

So..about Dr Azmi..emm..After he looked at Mak's MRI slide and cek badan mak, he suggest mak ambik ubat untuk kuatkan tulang sebab semua tulang-tulang Mak dah reput.The syndrom is called Osteopenia. The definition is Osteo means bone and penia means poor; this poor bone refers to a lower than normal bone mineral density (BMD). The mineral content in osteopenia is low, however the mineral content is not low enough to be considered porous as in osteoporosis. During aging, bones are constantly being remodeled, therefore consuming adequate calcium is necessary to replace the calcium lost in the natural bone remodeling.So..basically rongga tulang2 Mak's da tak rapat means rapuh la. That's why after 3 months they will go for operation.Dr Azmi na tulang mak kuat dulu,kalau tak dia pun tak konfiden na operate mak sbb takut tgh skru tulang mak,tiba-tiba retak..sape na jawab..macam HKL..sorry to say la..diorang tak cek pun nape mak sakit-sakit satu badan, terus suggest operation.Doktor tu kata biasala orang tua sakit-sakit badan..kepala hotak kau..mak aku umur pun tak sampai 60 lagila..klu la aku yang ikut masa jumpa doktor hari tu..mesti da kena sound.

Sakit hati tul..boleh pulak tu dia kata biasala nanti akan ada orang yang akan operate lagi skali.pastu dalam 100 orang,3 orang yang akan lumpuh,hilang deria rasa na buang air..Sial tul..Memangla dua tiga kali operate sebab korang tak undertake problem orang betul2..taknak cek 1 badan betul-betul.Ingat korang doktor,korang pandai sangatla..Korang cuma tau lebih sikit je dari kitorang and korang ada sijil.Tu je..Aku mulalah ni..Bengang tak kalau korang,diorang ni buat main-main je badan orang..Rasa macam na hantuk kepala doktor tu kat dinding je kalau aku jumpa dia,boleh tak?and then yang paling aku x puas hati,bila Mak cakap kenapa saya sakit kat sini..kat sini..(sambil tunjuk tempat yang sakit)..doktor tu leh kata skg ni u start sakit kat pinggang so,kita fokus dulu kat situ dulu,buat apa nak tengok tempat lain..Dooool..nama je ko tu doktor,bangang tak bangang..orang biasa pun tau..klu sakit mestilah berkait-kait..knala tengok gak mana tau nanti makin teruk.Alhamdulillah, allah bukakan pintu hati kitorang utk 2nd opinion dgn Dr Azmi..

Honestly,I feel there's still hope for Mak to cure.If it's not 100% sembuh pun,at least I hope the pain is not everytime macam sekarang.Setiap masa mak sakit,cuma bila mak tido je mak tak sakit..biasa la kan..Bila sedar,mestilah sakit balik..Kesian dengan mak..

~ s u h i d a ~

:: Bila Aku Sudah Tiada ::

Bila Aku Sudah Tiada - Hujan

Bila, aku sudah tiada

Simpan semua lagu ku

Jangan di tangis selalu

Mungkin, itu sementara

Bila jumpa penggantiku

Jangan di lupakan aku

Pagi itu indah seperti biasa

Tidur yang lena terhenti di sana

Layap kuyu masih tak terdaya

Bukalah tingkap mu

Curahkan cahaya…

Siapa yang sangka

Bila tiba masa kita

Untuk pergi selamanya

Takkan terduga

Jika saat ni

Tuhan tentukan

Aku lah orangnya

Gelak tawa tangisan yang hiba

Kenangan kita masa di dunia

Alangkah indahnya jika

Kita mampu hidup selamanya

Emm...lagu ni ntahle...sayu le..Hari ni abah pulak masuk wad Hospital Selayang. Dua-dua belah buah pinggang abah bengkak,ada batu karang.Belah kanan 2.5 cm dan belah kiri pulak 1cm..Sayu je dengar abah cakap "abah sakit sangat"...Honestly,first time dalam hidup aku,aku dengar abah mengadu macam tu kat aku..Tak pernah sekali pun abah mengadu abah sakit sampai sayu sgt suara dia.... Melawat abah kat hospital, diorang masukkan tiub saluran air kencing.Tengok air kencing abah berdarah.Sedihnya. Terbayang aku bila aku tua nanti apa la dugaan sakit yang Allah na bagi kat aku ngn abg cha,kan?Cane anak-anak kitorang nanti?Harap diorang ada rasa tanggungjawab nak jaga kami.
Lately,our family facing dugaan yang aku tak taula..Kdg2 aku rasa..aku tak daya.Tapi aku tau di luar sana lebih ramai orang yang lebih susah dari kami.Aku sedaya upaya fikir dugaan yang datang tu sebenarnye adalah peringatan dari Allah untuk aku..Allah sayang pada aku,pada mak,abah,abang dan semua keluarga aku..Allah sayang pada hambaNya..Ujian datang untuk menguatkan keimanan kita kepadaNya dan untuk menebus dosa2 kita...Tapi jauh di sudut hati aku,aku tak sanggup tengok mak ngn abah sakit.Nape Allah bagi ujian sebesar ni kat famili aku..Dahlah mak sakit,maybe 1 hari nanti maybe mak akan lumpuh..Bukan niat aku doa,tapi realiti..Dulu masa mak tak sakit sangat,doktor da ckp nanti makin lama makin teruk..dan skg ni mmg mak makin teruk..
Aku kena bersedia untuk deal situation masa tu..Takutnye..Tiap2 hari aku tau mak menangis tahan sakit,cuma sekali-sekala je aku terserempak ngn dia masa dia nangis.Kalau aku pun,mesti kaw-kaw nye nangis..Silap hbulan mau jadi sasau..Tapi alhamdulillah,mak orangnye tabah..Abah..Walaupun abah ngn kitorang dulu ada gap.Tapi lately,pas aku kawen..kitorang dan anak-anak dia kat sana pun da besar,abah da tak garang macam dulu..Lagipun dah berumur…Kak ida sayang mak dan abah..Sayang sangat.Harap-harap Kak Ida dapat balas jasa Mak dan Abah walaupun sikit..

Abah dan Razi tengok tv..

~ s u h i d a ~

:: Ku Di Dalam Dilema Mu ::

Razi teman Opah pergi hospital

This picture captured during our way to Orthopedic HKL..One will not understand the pain until yourself yang kena. Mak dah betul2 teruk. How I'm supposed to explain to people that's they will be not much time left for Mak. Bukan aku mendoakan Mak pergi,tapi aku tau sakit Mak camne.Dulu ok lagi baring tak terasa sakit tulang belakang tu,tapi skrg even baring da sakit.Mak cakap kat belakang kat pinggang tu macam dicucuk dengan besi tajam.Bahu mak jatuh sebb rasa berat,ibarat orang tarik tudung awak dari belakang tak lepas2..Sakit hati tak?Macam tula rasanye. Leh imagine tak? Kalau baring pun da sakit,berdiri,berjalan,duduk semua nye sakit.Kalau na solat pun,pegi bilik air,amik air wudhu,solat duduk,pastu terus baring balik. Sanggup tengok mak korang camtu.Kalau dia jatuh?Tak paham ke..Sakitnye hati aku...Hari-hari melihat Mak menahan kesakitan, terasa sedih sangat hati ni.Tapi orang tak paham.

Macam abang la..Aku sedang dalam dilema skrg ni..tak taula keputusan aku untuk resign tu betul ke tak.Abang suruh aku keje,katanya antara kami dua orang,orang yang paling last sekali kalau patut berhenti kerja adalah aku.Sebab aku ni ada potential growth,katanya lah. Kejela rajin-rajin.Bangun pagi,pergila kedai arwah tu.Takpun,abangla sacrifice,resign kat hilton tu.Full swing jaga kedai abah.Nape lak aku yang kena sacrifice.lagipun bukannye aku na resign selama-lamanye,tanak keje langsung..Letihla..Nanti tgk bulan lima nanti,klu Ina da abis study,masa tu tgk cane,either aku akan keje atau pun aku sacrifice utk Ina dulu..
Aku pening pikir semua ni.Nak post kat sini pun aku takde mood.Agaknye if he's in my shoes,what will he probably do?I also don't know if I'm helping Mak enough if I'm staying at home.I'm not sure.
But one thing I'm sure working at my current company will not helping enough with our situation except for the big money laaa.Hehehe..That's one reason why Abang wanted me not to quit my job.If worsent event came upon us,I'll had my own income to cover myself even it's enough to cover the whole family,insya Allah. Rezeki Allah bagi. Aku teringat sms yang Hamdi, junior opis aku ckp 'Jgn sedih sgt. Kite cuma ada sorang mak dan ayah. Pengorbanan tu suatu yang mulia. Maybe 1 hari nanti akak akan bangga dengan pengorbanan yang akak dah buat'. Sms hamdi tu betul2 wat aku tersedar dan aku nekad utk resign..Ya Allah..aku tak tau na buat apa Ya Allah..Huuu...
O opp o Opp..Before I forget,Razi is 10 months, 3 weeks and 2 days old today.New words he said right now is 'sedap' every meal time and when people asked 'sedap tak?' Clever boy..Alhamdulillah.. and another words is everytime Mak sing sep sep sep, pom pom pom..he will reply pom pom pom.Hehe..kinda cute,eh?

He can sit and read newspaper.Hehehe..Cute kan?

~ s u h i d a ~

:: I Quit My Job ::

I quit my job yesterday..At 1st I'm so worried to tender the resignation letter,but I stick to my promise to stay at home for Mak.I can't imagine if someday she's alone, something happens and I was not there, I know I'll regret my whole life..I love you mak.

It tooks quite some times for me to think pro and contras if I quit my job. Am I would be able to get same opportunities to work with an established company or am I would be ever employed again? How long I would stay at home? How can I earn money without nyusahkan abang and to ask him for money. He also having a hard time, he'd so much responsibilites since abah pass away. Lots of things in my mind,but I know I have to do this now.

I think why I took this decision after so long is because recently after became a Mak, I knew if I'm sick like her, she will do the same thing. I will do it if it's my kids. She will take care over me. Because i'm her daughter and I knew she loves me so much. I know she would probably will not take a long time to decide wheather she have to quit job or not,she'll immediately will quit not like me,hesitate to do the same action. To think about it, actually i did regret not to concerntrate healing her before this. Just now she cried again because of the pain on her back. Mak, K.ida sedih Mak..nyesal tak betul2 bawak mak cari jalan na baikkan belakang mak.. Now, I 'm definitely will take you anywhere to cure you. I will scold any doctors that buat kerja main-main and I definitely will not allow anyone play a jokes with you again. If you don't know how to heal Mak, just said it.Don't make things getting worse than now.

~ s u h i d a ~

:: Razi's First Crawling ::

Razi make his first crawling..dia da pandai mengengsot sebenarnye..cuma merangkak xpandai lagi.baru na belajar.

Tapi Razi skg suka sangat memanjat badan mak..lagi2 kalu razi da bangun tido,razi mesti panjat badan mak.jelesla tu eh..hehehe..

~ s u h i d a ~