To become a mommy is the largest dream of most women. For me, I knew I will be a mom someday but til now I still can't believe I'm actually have a son! Wow..Felt like yesterday me arguing with Mak just to make she gets her nerves.Heh..Got married in June 2006, i conceive just a few weeks later. hehe..
but now, for the next one, i'm gonna go for family planning.
i just get this awareness as soon as i had my own child. at least for me, to be a parent is not as easy as having a child. unmarried couples also able to have babies, but most of them never become parents to the children they deliver. parenting, in my opinion previously, is only a common sense.
however, with the arrival of Mr. Razi, my perspective changed drastically. to me, it is not about to grow a child up, but to nurture him, to become a person with high quality, at least better than us.
all this while, i ONLY read about childcare e.g. how to bathe a baby, how to clean a baby, how to feed a baby, etc. but i almost forgot about non-physical care i.e. educating & nourishing young brain, etc. i heard about 'one is parenting the way she is parented'. i guess, yes. look at Abah and Me, we actually have a same attitude, high tempered though I'm not that close to Abah compared to Mak but somehow Abah did effect my perangai even when at kedai makan or public area,if there's something that can makes he angry,he will sound whoever..and surprisingly even I denied that I'm not like him,sometimes I will argue with someone..maybe that's without my consciousness. Hahaha..Though Abah is like that,but still he's a devoted Abah and husband.He's got A+ to that.
For Razi, i try to control my tempered. i want to be as patience and conscious as possible, so that he will not follow Abah & Me's problem attitude. I would like to watch him and chart his development, and most importantly, i would know what i do for him, and that is what i want to do, not what i'm accidentally did. and this one, i have to start as soon as possible, because i don't know when his brain starts to process what he sees, and i take it as 'since birth, he sees me'.
some key points that i put on practice.
1. watch our wordas a ex-teenager who have friends from all species, i am really into an easy-going kind of life. sometimes i used the words like "b*d*h", "s**l", "p****at", etc. to express my unsatisfactory. now i don't want my kids to use those words. then i stop using those, instead put "astaghfirullahal'aziem" in all situation.i also noticed that, everytime i mention bad things about Razi, it'll happen eventually, immediately. say, i babble to someone about his tak boleh nak tinggal langsung, that coming day he'll be exactly like what i babbled before. yes, now i admit that, everyword from a mother need to be filtered, especially bad things.so? instead of babbling around, i 'convert' it into prayer, may our sleep tonite is a good & quality one.I'm trying my best not to comment bad things about Razi again..
2. watch our actionThis one kind a difficult to me to change my natural habits. But i'm still trying. A little kid's mind may have tendency to copy his parents' act. thus, we cut our not-so-good habits and replace them with the better ones, especially in stress management. when a little child sees how we manage our stress, he'll make copy. and don't be surprise if a child likes to scold and make a mess, if it's the way how you manage your stress.during the early days especially during confinement, i was so fail in handling stress. especially when involving my cry-all-the-time boy. sometimes i channel it to him. poor boy. but recently, when he cries unstoppable in the middle of the nite, i take it positively and enjoy it as much as possible. i can read books (if i'm not that sleepy) & watch TV while cradling him.
3. appreciate his feelingsas young infant, the only way he can express his feelings is thru signals. and the most popular signal of his is by crying. previously, his crying could drive me mad, and of course i release my anger on him. but recently i learned that, he has right to cry. he has right to feel discontented. he has right to feel unhappy. and he has right to get what he wants. everytime he frown his face (as a sign before he starts scream), i would say "janganlah nangis2..cian kat mak..mak penat". sometimes it works if he wants to cry because of boredom. but it doesn't work for other reasons like wet diaper, tiredness, or he's sleepy and especially when he berak.sometimes he cries for no reason. already fed, diaper changed, etc. but i don't simply get mad or say "stop crying!". instead, i take him for a light walk and talk to him. some elders complaint about this "jgn ajar anak berdukung, nanti susah nak tinggal2". but for me, it is the way to soothe my son, and the way i appreciate him. he might want to has a walk, exploring things around him (as his sight becomes better recently). i can make him sleep by breastfeeding him, but at the same time i ignore his feeling, and i break his self-esteem.
4. encourage himmy son starts to make some sounds and action. Razi will claps his hands whenever he heard somebody sing tepuk amai2 and when he saw his opah.hehe..and to my surprise he did said 'pu pu' (to be refer to kupu-kupu) sambil tepuk tangan. He will be so excited if he saw Betty, our cat and that one day he said 'cing'..and why when he said something,I'm the only one who will heard it and nobody will believe me. One day, he called his ayahngah and I heard,when i told abg ju, Razi is calling him,he said I'm bluffing and until one fine day he actually heard Razi called his name.hehe..Now he actually can bangun but he still need me to help him and crying everytime he wants to get up.So, I will hold him and encourage him and say 'cepat..cepat..ewah..da pandai berdiri..cepat..cepat' and he likes everytime I said that.hehe..
5. involve him in daily activitieshe's still small, so i just involve him in activities those i can hold him e.g. reading book while breastfeeding him, put him on my lap while doing my work on pc, etc. i believe that, when he sees what his parents do since his early age, he'll become familiar to and i hope it will be easier to intro him to books and computer later.
6. involve him in daily devotionhowever, i'm still not taking him with me when i perform solat. i tried several times but he cried. maybe he's too young and wonder 'what my Mommy's doing? why she ignore me? why don't she carry me?...'instead, i do on other things, like recite al-fatihah,3 qul & ayat Qursi to him every night, bismillah before makan, use zikir as lullaby, etc.
7. telling him "why" & provide solutionmy son likes to bite things. instead of pulling his hand down and say "tak boleh, tak boleh", i pull his hand down and say "no, you can't bite that, got germs. if you like, you can do it on Mommy's nenen, got milk". yes, he doesn't understand but I believe as the time flies, he knows why i prohibit him from sucking his fingers.a total "tak boleh" will leave him a question mark. 'what is tak boleh? tak boleh gigit benda, or tak boleh put my hand in my mouth or tak boleh move my hand or..?'. it might retard his interest to explore more things.
8. don't push him & don't comparemy nephew turn to 1 year old of age and he's already can walk.He had his 1st teeth on his 9month old. my son shows no slight teeth and he's still need me to hold him every time he wants to get up. he is just the same boy i knew a month ago. however, my boy is my boy. every child has its own developmental curve. i don't mind if my boy is a bit late compared to other children in his age, as long as it is normal for an infant. unless, he doesn't show any development after 4-5 months, i might have to check with his paed.i celebrate him, everytime i notice he makes new things. especially when he looks at me and make new sounds. it doesn't matter if he is a bit late, walking or talking, as long as he grows up as an excellent boy, from what i nourish him. cos what will be in his resume is his exam result, experience and activities, not when he started to talk or walk.
9. pray for him this should be put at the point no 1 but i just wanna put it here. everytime after solat, i pray for him, and also for me so that i'm gonna be a good mom for him. as i said, every bad thing i mention about him, will be 'blessed', so i pray all the good things and stop mentioning bad things about my son. i notice that, for good things, i have to put all my attention but for bad things, even if while joking, it'll still happen. how masin mulut Mommy...it's not easy for me to be a parent. as i was encouraged to read and learn about pregnancy even before i got pregnant, i guess, everybody should read and learn about parenting even before becoming a parent.
oh, it's be never too late.
as for me, i..
- read more books and worldwideweb.
- get experts' advice (experienced parents those can be role models).
- getting more organized to balance between work, friendship, husband & child.
- berlapang dada with others. there's many school of tots & we know what's the best for us & our kids.
